Family

Our family is growing.  Our girls are maturing into women who love God and others and we couldn't be more proud of them all. Beth and Sarah are wonderful adults and it is fun to be friends with them and watch as God directs them.  We are so completely blessed with all of our girls and  we can't believe that God was so good to us.

 Beth and Sarah have made their choices in guys and we love them both.   I can't begin to say enough that praying for your child's spouse while they are growing is invaluable.  God has their path laid out and it is our job to direct them toward Him at every turn.  We don't always succeed in leading them well but we try and we keep trying every day.  

God is good all the time.  All the time God is good.

Homeschool Help

As a homeschooler I am always looking for ways to make this journey easier and better.  If I can find a tool that will help me teach and help my kids learn and they love it; all the better!

Virtual Homeschool Group is just that thing.

Virtual Homeschool Group is an online community that puts together classes for just about every subject and grade.  You can take Live classes or enroll for At Your Own Pace classes that have been recorded.  These classes teach, grade, and record those grades for you.  It is awesome ya'll.

And the best part?  It is FREE!

you heard me right.  This is a community helping the homeschool community.  You can of course donate to help the website with upgrades and the cost of keeping a website running but it is not necessary.  If you do donate then you are put into a pool for live classes that gives you first dibs on the life classes.  With our schedules live classes are not usually an option but we donate anyway.

The girls have take their Apologia Sciences through VHSG every year and they are an amazing help.
You should really check them out!

I am not receiving anything for this post.  I truly believe in this website and love how it has helped our homeschool and wanted to share!

Loneliness

I watched the news this morning run an episode on loneliness.  As I watched I realized that they could have been interviewing me.  In an age of social connections, we are at an all-time high of being lonely.  We live lives online and only show the perfect and happy side but all the while we are slowly dying inside.  It is a slow decay, a torturously slow process that approaches moment by moment sneaking up on us so that one day we look back and we are engulfed.

I am by nature an introvert.  I do not seek out crowds and parties; they drain me.  However, I have learned over the years to be an extrovert because that is what people expect and like.  No one wants an introvert to hang out with, they want the laughing and joking life of the party.  That is not me.  Not really.  I can do it and I can fake out the best of them but I don't like it.  I need solace, books, quiet, and family close to me...at home...with no other people around to be happy.  That is who I am.

Who the world sees me as is a happy, laughing, joking, silly, life of the party girl who likes being in crowds and thrives off of the lime light.

It is exhausting.

Not many people know that I am an introvert.  Fewer still believe me.

"I am what people see me to be
It's not who I am but what they see"

I wrote that in high school because even then people wanted an out going girl to hang out with instead of the shy, quiet girl I was.

What effect does this have on a person you ask?  It makes us lonely. Friendships are hard when you can't be yourself.  It is also hard to hold onto friendships when you can't connect they way you want or you don't actually want to be around people.  Not because you don't like them but because it is draining to be 'on' all the time.

Friendships require putting yourself out there...staying out there...

That is so hard.

So, I am lonely in a world full of people.  I have friends but I don't see them.  I can blame it on schedules, time, etc. but the truth is I am just plain lonely and scared.

I don't know how to foster friendships like everyone else.  I see people doing things together, laughing and having fun and I want that.  I just don't know how to go about it.  Or how to keep doing it.  Especially when I just want to be at home!

Life is hard sometimes.  I want friends and relationships but I just don't know how to make and keep those deep connections without giving myself up.

In a world of social media how can we be so lonely?

Voices

We all have voices that we listen to.  They can be our parents, friends, relatives, or even strangers.  We can hear their words and forget them or we can hear them, take them into our hearts and then they become the voices in our heads.  The voices that talk to us in a continuous stream every day.  

The voices that play in my head are all the negatives ones I have heard over the years. Right or wrong, they are the voices I hear.

Words like slob, ugly, loser, unqualified, disorganized, fat, mean, petty, cold-hearted, hypocritical, and so many more.

I can pretend that those words don’t affect me and I can bolster my courage and pretend that I don’t care what others think of me; but the truth is I do care. Each and every word-unkind or kind, is remembered and played thousands of times in my head every day.

I take them into my heart and they become part of me, of who I am. Those labels become my identity. They change me in small ways that forever alters what I see when I look at myself. And when I think about who I am. Words have the power of life and death.

Words don’t even need to be spoken. It can come in the form of gossip and non-confrontational behavior. If someone has a problem with me or something I have done but doesn’t even respect me enough to talk to me about it-what does that say? That I am not worth talking to and working out the situation. That voice is on a constant loop. This is an almost constant occurrence in my life. People would rather talk about me and the problem to others rather than me. I am too irrational to have a conversation with. I am too opinionated and talk too much. Yeah, I have heard all of it.

I hear it in my head every day. When situations pop up, the voices chime in and let me know exactly what others have said. It never ends. It is crippling at times. The fear of failure is so great that I would rather do nothing and see no one so that I wouldn’t disappoint or upset anyone.

I have to fight these voices every day.  Sometimes every moment.  They lie.  The feed my doubt and my fear until it is a living, breathing thing.  But fear is a liar.  Doubt is a trap that has sticky sides so you can't get out and an easy chair in it so you don't want to.  It is easier to stay in the fear and doubt than to fight your way out.

But fight you must.  

Knowing what God says about you is a must.  He is the author of your life and only He can tell you who you are and who He created you to be.  He is the Light and the Hand reaching into the darkness.  He is also the Friend that sits with you while you cry giving Comfort and Strength to go on.  

Every day the battle wages and every day we must fight.

That's What I Get

I just thought I would do a better job of blogging!  I guess I had no idea how busy I was about to become after my last post.

Naomi has had a great competitive gymnastics season.  She placed at every meet in at least one event and I believe she placed in the All Arounds each time as well.  She competed at State in March and placed on every event except for Vault-she was close to placing though!  She took FIRST on Beam at State!!  She also took 2nd All Around at State and qualified for Regionals in Galveston, Tx.  We are so proud and can't wait to see her growth over the coming years.

I have had some job changes this winter.  I started at Wichita Gymnastics doing classes and the Silver team and then in December/January I started training to coach the Gold and up teams.  So, I have been working every day of the week at the gym.  Plus, doing meets for both sets of teams.  It has been exhausting but I truly love it.  That scheduled changed a little when soccer started...it got busier!

Soccer started in February with Conditioning in the afternoons.  So, I would go to work right after Conditioning or come from work straight to Conditioning.  It was crazy but it worked.  Then we started our season and the Training times had to change.  So, then I would go to work on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after two hours of soccer training and once games started it changed again!  With games going I wasn't able to work as much but would try to go to work after games.  I am beat.  We only have three more weeks of soccer and I am sad and glad. lol  For work, I have been able to cut back on my hours and I am not coaching the Silver girls anymore-I am sad because I love them but I am glad to have some of my time back.  For now, anyway!

On the home front, life is moving along.  Sarah went to Thailand for 10 days with our church and loved every minute of it. Beth got a new job at Cocoa Dolce and adores it.  Hannah is driving everywhere and has three jobs, she is a starter for our High School team.  Naomi is in the off season for gymnastics but is a starter for Jr. High soccer and a part-time starter on our High School team.  Phoenix is still loving public school and thriving.  Steven is still amazing and supportive and crushing his job.  I seriously wouldn't survive without him.

I am looking forward to a trip to Al Fong's coaches training this weekend, a soccer tournament in Springfield, Mo, our trip to Galveston, another trip to Texas for a gymnastics conference, vacation, and probably more that I can't remember at the moment!

For now, I have to check my calendar to make sure I am not missing an event!