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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Comparison Game

My blog is being scraped again.  If you are reading this on a website other than you are reading a stolen copy of my content.

Why oh why do I do it?  I compare myself to others that I think are better than I am or do things better than I do.  I know I shouldn't.  I just can't help myself.  I get to a place that I lose my way and am just sure that everyone else has it more together than I do.

The grass is greener...yada, yada, yada

I am a homeschool mom that hasn't been out of her pajamas in days other than to run to the store for the milk I let us run out of.  I'm not even sure I brushed my hair yesterday.  And truth be told, I don't think I care.  School has not been foremost on my mind this week.  It should be-that's my job.  But for some reason, I looked around me at the other homeschool mom's in our group and thought that they were doing a much better job than I was and why should I even bother. 

I know, stupid!

Yes, there are moms that do a better job than I do at schooling their children.  There always will be.  I have no illusions of grandeur I know who I am and who I am not. 

I am not a mom that has all older, self-sufficient children that has extra time to spend doing lots of individualized classes.  I am not a mom of all younger children that can easily fit into the same age range.  I am also not one of the moms that has a toddler that can go somewhere else for a few hours while I school the others.  I am not super-organized.  I am not super focused.

I am me.

I have four children that span the ages of 5-13.  I am forgetful, disorganized, easily distract-able, often cranky, easily dissatisfied, demanding, overbearing...

You get my point.  I am all those things but I am also called by a God who is greater than I am to homeschool my children.  MY children-not someone else's.  I am equipped, or getting equipped daily, to be exactly who they need me to be. 

I forget that sometimes.  Okay, I forget that a lot! 

I had forgotten that this week.  I let my fear cloud my vision of what God has asked me to do and questioned His plan.  I looked at those other moms and only saw my weaknesses reflected back to me through their strengths.  I shied away from any other Truth that was offered through that reflection and chose to focus on the negative.

Why?  Because I like to have pity parties!  It's sad but true.  And don't we all?  I mean, really, we love to roll around in the muck and cry, "Poor me!"  It's easier to feel sorry for ourselves than to see what needs to be changed and change it. 

Or, heaven forbid, asking for help.  Ouch!  I'm preachin' to the choir on that one, people, I hate askin' for help.  I love to give it, though!  I love to tell other homeschooling moms to not compare themselves to others and to look at the things they do well while working on the ones they don't.  It is easy to tell someone else that God chose them for this task and that they are the perfect teacher for their children; but harder to put into practice for myself.

I'm working on it, though.  ;-)  Tomorrow I am getting out of my jammies and the funk and doing what I do best...

be myself!


Karla said...

Seeing as how I am one of those moms from the homeschool group, I know you were not comparing yourself to ME and finding yourself lacking because I always find YOU to be the one who has it all together!! You do a wonderful job of teaching your kids and I aspire to get to the level of you and the others in the group. I guess the grass is always's easy to see all the good things in other people and see only the bad in ourselves. Tomorrow is a new day full of grace and mercy. Enjoy it!

Laurie said...

Love your writing style, and nominated you for the stylish blogger award! Gonna enjoy checking out your stuff here :)

Cynthia said...

How did you find out your blog was being "scraped." Do you happen onto your blog posts on a blog which isn't yours? Just curious. I haven't blogged much lately and am wondering if this is something I should be aware of...

Hope you're out of your funk!

FLBerrys said...

Hi Momma!
It is really easy to look at someone else's life and say, "Wow they've got it and I don't!" I'm glad you know that's not really true. Everybody has their good days and bad days!

Hope you get to brush your hair tomorrow! :o)