Do you know your Love Language? In years past it was the 'in' thing to know but somehow it has gone out of style. We have moved on to newer and better tools for self-help I guess. But I think that knowing your Love Language is very helpful.
Gary Chapman wrote the book The 5 Love Languages and in that book he describes the different ways in which people accept and give love. The 5 languages as listed on their website are:
Words of AffirmationActions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality TimeIn the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving GiftsDon’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of ServiceCan vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical TouchThis language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
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You can also take a test to help find out your children's love languages which can be helpful in making sure you relate to them in ways that are meaningful to them.
I strongly suggest everyone knowing their Love Language so that you can understand why something bothers you or why you feel upset by certain things others are doing. Take the Assessment and have your spouse take it then talk about the results. You would be surprised by how much you thought you knew and how much you didn't.