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Saturday, October 8, 2011

Life is complicated

I have daughters.  They are wonderful, a blessing to us, and just plain fun to be around. 

Most of the time.

But there are times that I plain just don't like them very much. 

There I said it.  I know some of you are gasping from the shock of my honesty but I'm all about keeping it real.  I am usually the one to say what everyone else is thinking but is too afraid to say.

My girls have been petty and selfish and flat out mean to one another lately.  When I see it, I secretly think to myself, "Wait, aren't homeschoolers immune to that sort of thing?"  I know, I know, they are sinful little beasts and so are not going to be spared the sinful nature of every other person on the planet. 

But I can dream, can't I?

It breaks my heart to see them hurt one another.  I worry about the damage it will do their relationship later in life.  Am I thinking too far into the future?  Maybe so, but I just want to see them model the same behavior to their sisters that they show their friends.  Ya know? 

Why is it they can be super sweet to their friends and then turn around and be nasty to their sisters? 

When I see this my mind starts with the whole, "This is your fault.  If you were a better mother, they wouldn't act like that."  Yeah, I think that way too often.  Sometimes I believe it.  I believe the lie that I am responsible for every action or word that they say and do.  In my head I know that I am not.  I know that I can only teach them the right way to live and choices to make and it is up to them to do them.  But my heart feels responsible for every decision they make.

My heart hurts to see them make the wrong choices. 

Sometimes I just want to scream at them so they can see what they are doing.  Okay, okay, to be perfectly transparent and honest...sometimes I do yell at them about it.  But it doesn't work.   They just stare at me like I am a mad women or cry because I am mad.  Totally defeating the purpose.  But I just get so dang frustrated with them.  I really would like to wring their necks sometimes. 

I love them but after weeks like this one with attitudes being what they were-I want to run and hide. 

So, that's how my week went. lol  I am hoping for a better one next week.  For their sake as well as my own.  ;-)


1 comment:

Lisa said...

((((HUG))))) I think we all have those days/weeks! I know for us, the only thing that stops the nastiness 'snowball' is to pull each child aside for prayer. We pray with them and have them ask the Lord specifically WHY He gave them that particular sibling as a sibling. Then, we come back together and have each 'offending' child pray for the other and pray a specific blessing upon them.


It's definitely a process, but, one that I believe will bear fruit! Galatians 6:9