What a Morning!

Today started better than those of late. I woke up early and exercised. Didn’t want to; but I did it anyway. A shower, breakfast and school; all before 9 o’clock. Woohoo! We are on a roll!


While the girls are doing their studies, I decide to plan our menus for the next two weeks. This was the start of the unraveling of my nerves. I pulled up the computer program that all of our recipes are in and started deciding which meals would go where. When the girls realized what I was doing, they started in with the “Please don’t make that”, “Do we have to do that?”, “You have to make that, again.” Ugh, as if planning a menu isn’t hard enough without all the extra ‘input’. I tried my best to listen to their requests and incorporate them. Really, I did.

After it was all decided upon, I had the program compile the grocery list from the menus. It is a wonderful feature; when it works. I hit the print button on both menus and the grocery list and forgot about them as soon as we started Math and Language. A bit later, I sent one of my precious children down to get the pages from the printer and she returned EMPTY HANDED!! Good grief, can’t she do what I asked her to? I mean, really! I immediately sent another girl down to get the aforementioned papers and she came back EMPTY HANDED as well. Now, I am convinced that there is a sickness spreading through my children. There could be no other reason for these actions.

When I finally quit huffing and puffing, my wonderful daughter informed me that there were no pages on the printer. Nothing had printed. Hmm, that’s strange. Well, maybe I hadn’t hit the print button after all. I opened up the program and tried it again, all the while yelling I mean instructing, my angelic offspring to stay downstairs and wait for the accursed longed for page. I deliberately and carefully went through the steps and printed them again. My joyous genetic copy forcefully told me that nothing was printing. Grrr

I finally hauled my butt body off the couch and went downstairs to see for myself that nothing was happening. She must have missed them or something. No, no pages; nothing. Well, maybe my computer needs to be near the printer for the USB thingy to work…Nope. I exhaust my pitiful knowledge but to no avail.

I give up and start handwriting the list; grumbling the whole time. I then get the bright idea to call my wonderful and devoted husband. He promptly gives me some ideas to try. Nothing. We try a few more things and still nothing. Eventually I do something that locks the computer up and I have to shut it down. Then because I am such a computer wizard, I did the same thing to my laptop. Two for two!

Fine! I finished the list by hand and started gathering the fruit of my loins so that we could leave. The youngest, meanwhile is trying to convince me that shorts are just fine even if it’s snowing! She relents and puts capri’s on. I set the list and my purse by the front door and go to gather the sacks that we will take with us to Aldi. Only three of them are there. There should be SEVEN!!! Seriously? I start stomping skipping through the house inquiring of my offspring if any of them have touched used my sacks. “No, mother.”

They are gone. I send the troops off to find my missing sacks while I walk around aimlessly thinking about bad words. Ten minutes and a phone call to Steven later, one sack is found. Wow, what a find! Whatever! I decide to go anyway and just buy another bag.

Everyone waltzes out to the car, through the snow and mud that is three feet away from the sidewalk, and proceeds to argue about who sits where. Before I get in the car, I noticed that the tire is flat. Not all the way flat, but obviously very low and sitting funny. Niice. Nope, not going to do anything about that one today, it will have to wait. We got to the corner to go to the store when I looked down at the gas gauge…BELOW EMPTY!! I had forgotten that I was supposed to get gas three days ago. So, I drove to the gas station and stood out in the snow with just a hoodie on, pumping gas. Good times.

We drive to the store and park the car next to someone who couldn’t take the time to adjust their car to let others park in a regular stall. The cacophony of noise starts as the ladies start unbuckling and arguing discussing who is going to get the cart. I reach over for my purse and the list…THE LIST! I forgot the list. Oh, of all the…I scream at inform the girls that we have to go back home to get the list.

After driving all the way back home, I was going too fast on our street and start sliding on the slush. The anti-lock brakes engage and I think another bad word.

The list was retrieved and we were on our way again. Finally back at Aldi, we get inside and I realize that I hadn’t finished the list. OH MY WORD!! I muddle through and we get finished in remarkable time. Standing in line with a full cart, an elderly woman comes up behind us with just a few things in her arms…UGH! I check my attitude and tell her that she can go in front of us. She smiled so sweetly that I was ashamed of my begrudging attitude. A few minutes later an even older lady came wondering up with just a few items…I let her go in front of us as well. The next person in line had a small armful, but I was through being gracious; I just wanted out of there! I went ahead and let her in front of us and she remarked that she was there without her kids and how wonderful it was. Another check on my attitude.

Bagging the groceries went without much incindent save for the youngest progeny doing cartwheels in the aisles. Thankfully, no one was around to be injured by her flying appendages. The groceries were loaded back into the cart in bags and out to the car we went. By then, it was snowing again. Great. The trunk got stuck shut and when we did get it open, it nearly smacked me in the face. I started to shove place the bags in the trunk when the oldest of my offspring screamed declared that the trunk was leaking. I looked and sure enough, water was leaking down the side of the van and the carpet was soaked. Water was standing on the carpeting.

I put the bags in anyway, where else am I going to put them? Off to Dillons we went amid the moanings and complaints of all the occupants in the car. And I do mean ALL. Dillons was pretty painless, but for the twirling and sashaying of the two youngest ladies in the family. Somewhere in the midst of the produce section, I lost my mind. I decided to get Lunchables and Chinese food. Neither of which is good for our bodies or the budget.

Oh Well.

The drive home was unremarkable. But upon opening the trunk, we see that the leak is worse and the groceries are soaked. Two sacks are ruined and the water is all but pouring into the car. I yell at instruct the joys of my life to put the groceries away while I put the car in the garage. I decide to get the mail while I am outside and step in a puddle of water. Of course! As I go to open the garage door, I realize that it’s locked. So, I have to go back inside and through the house, through the garage to open the door. When I start pulling the car in the garage I misjudged the distance from the bushes and scrape the entire side of the car with the bush. Great.

When I finally get inside I realize I don’t have any room in the fridge because of all the nasty food that needs cleaned out. Do I do that? No. I just throw away a bunch of containers until I have enough room for what needs to be put in.

Lunch is finally eaten and I have an epiphany. We homeschool and therefore we can take the afternoon off!! Brilliant idea. No one is going to learn anything this afternoon anyway. I gather my quiverfull and speak the words that brought more joy than anything else that day, “We are taking the afternoon off.” The look of relief on all their faces was mirrored in mine I am sure.

I am quite done with this day and yet, it could have been worse, right?