I have a sinus infection which may be why this is hitting me so hard; but I am struggling. I am not the most confident person. In fact I am very insecure. Most of the time I can hide it pretty well and have come up with ways to compensate. You are talking to a girl that can make a joke out of anything or come up with a snarky response to just about everything.
there's a reason for that
At heart I don't feel good enough. I never have. I just hide it better than most.
There is something I love to do and was basically told that I'm not good enough at it. Not with those words mind you but it's all the same. kwim? Now, I can barely do what I love without thinking of those words of inadequacy.
Why? Why can't I just be happy to do what I love for God and for me and not worry what anyone else thinks? Because unfortunately, the praise of man still speaks to this flesh I am in and it craves it. I want to be good enough, I want to be the one picked, I want someone to think I am the best at something.
Don't be fooled, I know I am not the best at anything I do. There is always someone that can do it better, faster, etc. I want just once for that to be me, though. Ya know?
I'm not quite done with my pity party so I won't bore you any longer. :) The attitude adjustment will come tonight and tomorrow I will post pretty pictures and happy thoughts. lol