Where?

Wow! Almost a month since I last blogged. I am woefully behind, I know. Life has been happening, really it has. I have the pictures to prove it. They are just stuck on the camera because I am too lazy to take out the memory card, put it in the memory stick thing, choose folders for all of them, and then erase them off the camera. Sad, isn't it? Soon, maybe this weekend even.

For now, I will relate to you why I haven't been blogging. I am having a pity party. Again. I know I have mentioned my thorn in the flesh before; well, it's back again. Alright, it never went away, it is just back in full force. And so is the whining.

I was doing well for about ten months when I started having symptoms. I ignored them at first, hoping that they would magically disappear. They didn't. Aren't you shocked? I was. Seriously, I can live in that river in Egypt better than anyone else I know. So, the symptoms just kept getting worse and I kept ignoring them. I did up a few of my meds; but not in any significant dosage.

Finally, last month I was the lucky beneficiary of the intestinal bug and my calcium plummeted. I could feel the symptoms getting worse and was able to hold them off for almost a week. Then, on Wednesday evening I crashed. I was having trouble breathing because my muscles were seizing up and this time it involved my chest. It was truly frightening. We spent the night in the Emergency Room where I received THREE bags of calcium! My vampire like qualities consumed their entire supply. I am just special that way.

I followed up with my doctor a few days later to find out that even after the massive amounts of calcium from the ER, I was still low. arg My doctor promptly gave me an rx for pain meds, something for the intestinal bug should it strike again, an rx for stomach acid from the massive amounts of calcium, and a standing order to go back to the ER if the symptoms return. Isn't life grand?

Now, I tell you that story so that you will understand my pity party a little better. -go with me here- I am limited. No, not mentally. Well, okay maybe a little limited mentally; but that's not what I meant. I am no longer able to do the things that I want to do. I have to 'take it easy'. I don't have endless stores of energy to draw on to do the crazy things that I used to do. Like roof our house. I LOVE roofing. It was so much fun! I can't do it anymore. I can't stretch myself too thin because I will get too tired and then start having symptoms.

ugh

I HATE not being able to do what I want when I want for how long I want. I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling dependant on someone else to help me do things that I used to be able to do. I hate being tired and then getting worried that I have done too much. I hate that my kids are worried every time I rub my hands together or stretch my legs. I hate taking pills, and I take A LOT of them. I hate that there is no cure and I will be like this for the rest of my life.

I HATE THIS

Okay, now that I have that out of my system let me say that God is teaching me some things through this and I hope that eventually I will learn them.

I am not a patient person when it comes to things like this. I want them fixed, now. God is teaching me to be patient and to wait.

I am not good at depending on others. I have always done them myself. God is teaching me to allow others to help and to train my dd to help others. And to help me. He is showing me that this is an opportunity to teach them the things that they will need to know anyway, they are just getting them a little earlier.

I am not a person that likes a slow, quiet life. I like excitement and fun times. God is teaching me to sit and be still and rest. (I am fighting this one!) I am having more nights at home than I care to and God is using them to, well drive me crazy! No, not really it just feels that way. ;)

I'm afraid that I haven't been too easy to live with for the past month. I have been a pretty big whiny baby. I'm done now; at least for a while.


ps pity party is over!

pps I still haven't found the bowls!